i want u 2 love me endlessly.
more than words. not juz words.
i wish i was heartless. so that i dun feel sad or hurt. ='(
dear god.
im really tired.
for a second my heart sank wen he said hes unhappy wif the relationship. in my mind, its over n everything is falling apart. i cudnt sleep well. i thought abt a lot of things. n im having a veri veri bad migrane now.
he said he didnt mean it dat way. i dunno wat 2 react. my heart still aches. my brain shut dead.
maybe its coz i neva felt dat way. no matter how bad we fight, im still happy being wif him. i din realise dat hes not happy being wif me now.
till now, to be honest, dat phrase keeps playing in my mind.
"im becuming very unhappy with our relationship"dear god, im deeply hurt.
things are happening again n again.
me n him are goin thru a rough patch rite nw. i dunno wat 2 sae. we are both having difficulties to hold on 2 each other. i reli tink we are not meant 2 be. but 4 how long, onli god noes. my 1st instinct told me dat hes gonna break up wif me. but apparently dats not the case.
wen i msged a veri long msg, he tot i wanna break up. but no. i was actualli merely expressing my feelings. i was down, upset. so i said such things. but it doesnt mean break up.
wat pissed me off is, even till now, hes too ignorant 2 reply. dear god, pls tell me how am i suppose 2 NOT get angry wen he does tis every now n den.
2 make things worse., home is not a place 2 relax n soothe the mind either. my aunt n uncle are alwaes making false accusations n hurtful remarks.
dear god, all of these things are making me reli stress. i tried hard not 2 cry juz now. coz i was fasting. but these tears keep cuming back 4 more. onli u noe hw i reli feel inside.
i dunno wat else 2 sae rite nw. wat hurts the most is dat my 21st bdae is cuming in 4 daes time. me n him, we're suppose 2 breakfast together in teckwhye. but looking at the situation. i dunno if he wans 2 cum. it hurts me a lot. but i keep telling myself 2 be strong n smile. dats the onli thing i can do rite nw.
the onli thing dat i cudnt tell him rite nw is dat,
i miss him
i miss being happy wif him
i miss the gd mornings n gdnites we both shared.
n most importantly,
i love him.i wish he knew. but its okay. at least my heart knew. n u knew.
u noe, as im typing tis, i can feel my tears warming up in my eyes. i wish i cud hug smone n cry.
people here are giving me unfair treatment. i feel so pissed nw. my head n heart is burning. i wanted 2 tel someone. i wanted 2 tel u. but i juz realised dat u dun understand. u made urself clear wen u said its no big deal yestedae.
i feel so upset nw.
wat am i suppose 2 react wen others can go 4 their break fast at 7 except me. wat am i suppose 2 sae n think. wat am i suppose 2 feel. is it fair 4 me?
ur partner is suppose 2 share ur happiness n sorrows. but wen my partner onli made it worse wen i share my sorrows, wat am i suppose 2 feel? wen i tot dat he can make my heart feel better, wen i thought dat he cud see my way, but he didnt. wat am i suppose 2 feel?
i try 2 tel myself dat im fasting. i cant get angry. i cant cry. but my heart is aching. i dunno wat 2 do nw. my heart is juz dying inside. please tel me wat 2 feel rite nw. please tel wat is the right feeling dat i shud have.
dear god. i juz wan 2 shut myself down.